1-800-PARANOIA
We’ve lived in Louisville for over a year now, which means I’ve been driving pretty much every day for over a year. After our six car-free years in Chicago, I’m finally finding it not so spectacular, but more normal to just hop in a car and go wherever I need to.
But there’s one thing about driving everyday I wasn’t expecting. It’s how I view those personal injury advertisements I see on TV. You know the ones – “Been in an accident? Call us!” type advertisements. “We’ll get you the money you DESERVE. Call us!” “We’ll fight for your rights, and plow over the opposition! We’ll grind their bones to dust! We’ll bring you their head on a platter! WE’RE LAWYERS WITH TOLL FREE NUMBERS! CALL US!”
Now, it’s probably my latent Catholic guilt talking, but I never view these ads in the sense that I’m the victim who needs counsel. I always view them as warning signs flashing at me, saying, “Don’t get in an accident, Susan! It’s a litigation-crazy time we live in, and if you get in a fender bender, you’ll go bankrupt! They’ll take the cats and the yarn and leave you homeless and shoeless on the corner. For the love of God, DON’T GET IN AN ACCIDENT! EVER! Even if it’s not your fault! No matter what happens, you’ll be screwed! SCREEEEWWWWWED!”
As you can see, they make me a little anxious. And while Mr. Martini might argue the point, I’m a pretty good driver. But these ads make me a paranoid driver, which I’m not so sure is such a good thing, really. In fact, the fear of litigation trumps my fear of bodily harm by at least 2 to 1.
What can I say. I’d gladly take a broken leg, if it means I can keep the cats.
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OH MY GOODNESS I FEEL THE EXACT SAME WAY!!! (And here I thought it was just me). I always figure that the people calling those guys are trying to scam the system by litigating for no reason. That neck brace they’re wearing? TOTALLY FAKE!
Of course, the one time I did rear-end someone (if you didn’t want me to hit you, you shouldn’t have slammed on your breaks like that), insurance covered everything and it was totally fine and there were no subpoenas by any lawyers calling themselves “The Hammer”. But still…I was freaked for about three weeks, waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Speaking of lawyer commercials, did I tell you I was falling asleep the other night when I heard “A non-attorney paid spokesperson… Mesothelioma…” I thought I was dreaming. It was real. AHHH!!
My family of insurance providers has me STOKED with insurance for this reason. I recall as a young driver my uncle telling me “Well, you have to remember that you could kill somebody at any time out there.” Not helpful.